Lately I have been struggling with a lot. Am I good wife? Am I good mother? What kind of friend am I? And I keep coming up short with my answers.
Life is hectic, everyone will agree. It's all about finding the balance. It's impossible to do it all.
So why can't I understand this?
My little guy has been out of school since before Memorial Day. Granted he was only in school three hours a day but that was THREE HOURS A DAY to myself. I love him with everything I have in me but it's been a long month (two more to go before he goes back!) and Momma is exhausted!
My girl has just finished school (YAY year round school!) and is only off this month. But her attitude....8 going on 18! The sass and talking back is enough to drive me bonkers (as she says). I know it's the age and I know it's the girls she hangs out with at school with but geesh, it's going to be a long month!!
My husband has now been working in the office for a year (after working from home for 11 years) and I think we are still adjusting. It completely changed our family dynamic and I know it wears on him not being able to be here like he was. It has been difficult for me because I can't pop out for a minute (during quiet time) because he isn't here. We see each other far less and he struggles with spending time with just me, the kids and also doing things around our new home. As a result, we are more snippy with one another. It's not awful but you can definitely tell things are different.
I am so glad we live where we live and we are finally starting to make friends. I had my circle of friends at the beach and I miss them dearly. Like awfully. We hardly talk at all because of the distance I suppose. And honestly, I'm not there and they aren't here so things happen. I don't regret moving for a second but man oh man do I miss them. I know we will find our people here, it will just take time.
The distance has been hard with family. We have become the forgotten family members. The ones that moved away. Again no regrets on the move but we didn't move to another country. I am just as guilty of not picking up the phone as much as I should (hello - no alone time. Ever.) but it works both ways. We have been left out of major events and my heart hurts. My children's birthdays are overlooked. It upsets me for them. They don't know any better but I do. We haven't traveled home in months (new home and school will do that) and that isn't helping any.
So how does one deal with it? How do you sort though the feelings? Find the balance?
I don't have the answers. I am a work in progress.
My husband recently bought me two books because he knows I am struggling. Rachel Mary Stafford wrote Only Love Today and Hands Free Mama and I am reading them both. I think because my patience is so thin (ok maybe almost non-existent) I get more upset then I should over things. Only Love Today is helping me to step back and think before reacting. The Hands Free Mama book is awesome! I am most definitely making more of an effort to put the phone down and be present in the moment. (This isn't an ad)
Like I said. Work in progress. Some days are better than others but such is the life of a Mom. Am I right??
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