What Kind of Friend Am I?

We have all read it before.  Those post about friendship and the kind of friend we want to be or the kind of friend we want to have. Sometimes it really speaks to the heart. Other times it can be full of fluff.

Not going to lie. Sometimes I share them.  I tag away. Then I move on and forget about it 5 minutes later. 

I am not a great friend. My intentions are well but sometimes I just suck at being a friend.  Maybe it is because I don't have a lot of friends. My circle is small, if you would even call it a circle. 

In high school I had friends in all of the crowds. The popular kids, the party animals, the band kids, the jocks {you get it}...but I didn't fit into any of those crowds specifically.  I just kind of socialized with some in each crowd and life was good.  When I graduated high school some of those friendships superficially continued but it didn't last long. Of course thanks to social media we are all "friends" again and yet still the circle is small. There are a small handful of friends that I do keep in touch with and who are an important part of my life. 

In college I met great friends who made the experience fun.  I learned a lot about people and a lot about life. I met the friend that would be Matron of Honor in my wedding and who would be part of my life forever. We don't talk regularly {life, distance, etc} but a long phone call every couple of weeks works for us and our friendship. 

After college and while dating, their friends became my friends but then breakups happen and everyone moves on. Kids arrive and the few friendships you have suffer because either a}they don't have kids or b}you are both so tired you can't keep your eyes open long enough to call them. As the the kids get older, they make friends and then their friends parents become your friends. And so the cycle goes.

We are in a new area, with new people and no family or friends near by. I struggle everyday with who I am going call friends. Our neighborhood is going to be huge and there is going to be a diverse group of people. Not everyone will get along. Such is life.

I am not a confrontational person. I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I can't lie to save my life. And I have great difficulty saying I am sorry. Oh and I roll my eyes. A LOT. I don't even realize I am doing it and I guess I have been doing it my whole life. Or so I am told. But....when it comes to my children, I am a completely different person.  I can be and will be confrontational when necessary. The Mama Bear affect.

But what I want are friends who want the same thing. Spur of the moment get togethers. Thrown together dinners. Kids who may not always get along with my kids but who genuinely want to be friends with my kids. Friends who don't judge me for who I am. Someone who won't judge my children. The understanding that kids will be kids. Families that enjoy getting together with other families. Friends who don't judge when you finish the bottle of wine yourself. Laundry on the couch, groceries on the counter or toys scattered aren't a deter-ant.  Low maintenance friendships because Lord knows there is enough stress in life already.

Maybe I am asking a lot. Maybe I am not asking enough. But either way I genuinely want to be a good friend. I just need to find the right people who want to be my friends. Who knew that something that could be {or is?} so simple is so difficult.